So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We need a shit load of segways right now
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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