Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
