im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
