What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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