you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
