Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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