Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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