hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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