Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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