if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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