I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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