Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize