he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
