I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
