the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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