I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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