I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you traded sex for a burrito?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize