So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Randomize
