I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
