D3 body, D1 cock
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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