i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize