Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
