Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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