Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
