Life is so much better after having sex.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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