Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
