Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
