I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
