You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
