Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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