Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
