last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
