You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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