i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You smell like stripper and shame
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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