Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
