sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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