put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
