Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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