Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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