just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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