i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
