I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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