failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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