i barfeds in our rink
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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