did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
