why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
