She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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