i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
