from now on my penis is your penis
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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