So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
