I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
