btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
