If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize