i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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