google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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