Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
