I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
did i walk over a car last night?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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