Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
