I wanna passion pit in your ass
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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