need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
