Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
