im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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