I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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