My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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