I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
