her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just want to make out with him forever
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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