Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.

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(+61): View more from Australia

I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?

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(626): View more from California

You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin

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(847): View more from Illinois

He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.

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(+69): View more from

You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.

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(540): View more from Virginia

why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus

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(415): View more from California

lol hangovers are for mortals.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?

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