i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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