come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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