Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
