he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
