I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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