If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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