whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Randomize
