never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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